I was going to play a little more Crusader Kings II since my last post got a lot of hits but before that I wanted to go back an look at this. Neopets. I loved this silly stupid website when I was kid and now I'm back to try and and remember why.
But wait you say, "Lauren you're a foul-mouthed asshole get off that kids site!"
Chill out people I'm only an asshole on my blog and I don't plan and spending much time on the neoboards. If they are how I remember them it's just a bunch of tweens fighting back and forth about the latest Disney star or roleplaying Warrior cats, and that doesn't much interest me. I just rediscovered this place and I'm not about to get banned right away for getting in some petty fight with a 12-year-old. I'm just trying relive some of the magic.
First things first this is Neopet's and I need pet. I'm not feeling overly creative right now so I don't really want to create my own. So I go to the pound to see if there is anything interesting that was abandoned. Plus isn't that how it's supposed to be in real life? You're supposed to go to the pound to find a good pet at the pound and not the puppy mill. See that cat in my profile pic? That's my sister's boyfriend's cat Lioness who we found as an abandoned kitten with her two sisters in the woods last year. Isn't she gorgeous? She's obnoxious just like me. So to the pound I happily go wondering if the creators of this site have added any new pets since I was eleven. After some refreshing I find this hilariously named creature. ThirtySixToes. Brilliant. I don't know who you're last owner was but I think they were a bit like me.
Oh and I got a random event while refreshing in the pound before I found my pet. That's one of things I always liked about this site. Anyways this weird ass Asian Samurai Toad pops out of nowhere and gives me a codestone. What's a codestone? just some piece of shit you can sell later for a bunch of neopoints. We'll get to that later when I open my shop though.
And what do you know it's just like the real world. When you get tired of your pet's you just roll 'em up in a bag and throw them out of your vehicle going 55 mph down I-95. It seems like that is exactly what happened to poor ThirtySixToes here. He's a male Tuskaninny (Neopet's version of a seal or walrus type thing) and he's about two years old and starving. Last time I played neopets I also had Tuskaninny and it was yellow too! Oh the memories. Anyways part of the game here is that you have to feed your pets just like in real life or they will get sad, though unlike in real life they won't die if you don't do it.
After trolling around the site and doing some of the daily events I remember I gather up a enough food to satisfy ThirtySixToes. Thank goodness, I'm an evil son-of-bitch but I always feel bad when I looks a the sad animals on TV or the sad neopet portraits.
So I feed ThirtySixToes all this fancy food to make him happy then I remember... God dammit I could've just put him in the hotel and he'd have gotten fed there for super cheap too. Yeah you can stuff your pets in the cheap 5np motel if you're a lazy piece of shit and don't feel like feeding them everyday. So what else can I do on this site?
You can go fishing and reel in ridiculous shit like water. I'm so proud of you ThirtySixToes I sent you to get a fish and you brought me back water. That's it I'm going to beat you and lock you in a shed tonight with no food as punishment. Just kidding, I love animals, they're probably the only thing I love and even if ThirtySixToes is gianormous god damn disappointment who brings me water instead of fish I'll steal lavish affection on him.
You can also dress up your pet but most of the clothes you actually have to pay real money for. Sorry Toes but I'm 22 and it's no longer socially acceptable for me to spend money on Neopets. We'll have to wait until we get big bucks before we can dress you up. That is a beautiful manly floral dress though fit for every hunk of manly neopet out there.
There are also the daily spinny wheel things and tombola's etc. etc. Some of which are just down right bizarre. Here were are at the giant omelette. Which looks like a bloated tortellini that is vomiting on a tree stump. Don't question it just take the free food. You can feed it to your whiny pet or sell it in your shop, sometimes you even get rare or interesting omelettes. Of course I didn't, since neogod hates me.
There are games of course including this one called keyquest where they try to leech more real life money out of you by suggesting you buy custom avatars to play as. Also this one of two multiplayer games on the site, so remember if you're about to lose the mature thing to do is throw a gigantic fit and disconnect so your opponent doesn't get their prize. Most of the games though are well... kids games not really much that I'd enjoy now. Though I still get a kick out of Typing Terror, because Typing is just about the only thing I've ever been good at. You earn virtual money doing this which if, your like me you hoarde in your bank forever and ever just because you know that neopets is the only place where you'll ever have so much money.
Then there is the habitarium which is only just barely multiplayer. You can give your neofriends your excess crap or raid them when you know they're offline sleeping and kill all their bugs, destroy their buildings, and rape their breeders. It's kind of slow paced so I never liked it much.
There are also guilds where you can hang out with your friend and talk smack to each other. Brag about how much fake money you have and try and swindle expensive items out of the newbies. I was going to create one but my account isn't old enough, boo. I don't want to join anyone else's stupid ass guild I only want my own!
Then there is my favorite thing. Shops. I guess it's because I'm a sleazy salesman type of person but I always had fun running my shop and raking in the dough from my fellow players. The best way to do this is to buy stuff from the Neopets shops and then mark it up a few points for a profit, but you have to have a fast server or some of other asshole will get your item first. The easiest place to do this is the bookstore. I wanted to set up a shop to do this again because like I said it's one of things I still find a lot of fun about this site as an adult. However you have to be at least 24 hours old to have a shop so damn I have to wait.
So that's basically neopet's and a big chunk of my childhood. There's also the Battledome where you make your pet's fight other people's pet's to the bloody death, kinda like pokemon but I never liked that so I'm not gonna talk about it. I don't know how often I'll actually be playing on this site since I do have real life responsibilities and stuff to do now but it's still sort of fun. If there is anyone else out there that still plays on here swing by and give me and ThirtySixToes a visit.
No comments:
Post a Comment